Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My best and my worst

I reached home only to walk upto a bunch of kids downstairs to ask them for a light and be pleasantly surprised when he passes me a joint. Stoned after a day like today was fresh perspective.

Looks like i always find time to write around this time around. I feel Ive missed out on documenting so many separate chapters in my life since i last wrote. Its depressing in a way that there are so many missing memories that would have stayed fresh had i documented them as and when. I guess which is why i love my phone and this era that we live in so much. Documenting your life is just a point,shoot and upload away. So many people that would have otherwise entered my life and just been a lost photograph or a fading memory, only to walk by one another 20years down not knowing what point in each others lives we were part of. What people fail to realise is the significance of having such memories...good bad happy sad angry frustrating.What we go through and how much we learn.

I'm listening to Kenji Kawai, Japanese music composer extraordinaire and the Ghost in the Shell album. Its what got me out of bed to sit and write this.

Ive been at the giving end most all my life and its been beautiful when that feeling is reciprocated doubly but ive also managed to balance that out with no receiving whatsoever either. I think the point is never being comfortable.

This past month has been quite a blur and grief for so many reasons. A majority of which i had little or nothing to do with. I cant live with grief. Ive been too upbeat all my life and felt drained. Im so happy right now with the way things are going on in my life and where i see myself and the people im with over the course of the year, but at the same time that gets balanced out with a feeling that neither can you hold on to something just past nor are you allowed to move onto to a beautiful future which is unfair as whats past is past. Enough and i put my foot down and to an immense sigh of releif, only to type releif and realise my fingers are moving on auto pilot and thats my sure sign that it time to sleep.Will come back to you later

...Stop this train, I wanna get off and go home again. Cant take the speed its moving in, I know i cant.. (blinks eyes, adds labels, publishes post and is ready to hit the bed faster than a speeding bullet)....thank you sb!


errormsg! said...

live. now.

burd said...

i am!

Zedekiah said...

:-) in knowing.
Auto pilot emoting is relieving isn't it